Beauty Within Scars
by Pairiny10
Summary: Shuu Tsukiyama would have never thought he would have found himself here at the age of 21, did he like it? Note: The Reason They Clash Universe. Can be read by itself.


**Author's Note: Hello everybody and happy new year! I wrote this small story as a special for the new year of 2019. This contains minor spoilers for my other story, but nothing to big. Happy Reading!**

At a young age Shuu Tsukiyama saw himself being a famous piano player or maybe even a soccer player, since his papa had said how good he was at both. Even though he was told it would be a challenge to be either because he was a ghoul, but in his heart, he felt like he could do anything if he put his mind to it. The thought of one day being an adored piano player or a well-known soccer player made his heart sore. Those dreams were instantly crushed at the age of nine when his uncle came into his life.

 _"But, Oji-san why can't I be a piano player? Papa, says I can play well." Shuu asked, looking up at his uncle._

 _"Oh, Shuu you don't see it yet, but you weren't born to play a piano for a living. You are a Tsukiyama, you are meant to be greater than a silly piano player, especially if you are going to play for humans. They don't deserve to hear your beautiful music. My sister would agree with me if she were here."_

 _"What about a soccer player?! I can be that right?"_

 _"No! Kicking a ball into a goal is childish and not at all a career a Tsukiyama should take."_

 _"Then what can I be then?" The smile that formed on his uncle's face make him involuntarily shiver._

 _"You are going to be a warrior."_

So, by his uncle's order he was trained to be, in his uncle's words "a warrior". The training was grueling and painful, training to hone his sword to kill and conquer. He had hated it with all his being. The first time he had been gutted by his uncle's serrated kagune was traumatizing and he remembered screaming on the floor for hours, but around the seventh time it happened his body had grown known to the pain. Though the constant torture was taking a heavy toll on him physically and mentally.

 _Shuu didn't bother to look up from his laid down position on the bed when a knock came from the door. He didn't think he could get up with all the bandages that were wrapped around his torso and limbs, the fabric was rubbing against the dried blood on his skin._

 _"Master Shuu, may I come in?" he couldn't find the energy to respond and continued to stare out of his window. "Oh, it's one of those days." The person behind the door sighed before opening it and walking inside. He cringed slightly at the light that flooded through the open door before it was closed. He didn't need to look to know who sat beside him on the edge of the bed. "I'm guessing training didn't go well." Matsumae asked with saddened eyes._

 _"He shoved his kagune into my gut when I moved to slow then beat me until he broke my joints for not holding my sword in the proper position." He replied still not looking at his most faithful servant. "Not very different from any other training session." A comforting hand patted him on the shoulder._

 _"The day will come when your power will trump his own. You just need to stay strong Shuu-sama. Can you do that for me?"_

 _"…I'll try."_

He had been taught that he was above all other ghouls and humans and working beside either of them or worse _for_ them was inexcusable. This left him either pushing others away or outright butchering them for being a nuisance. So, even when he started school after he had killed his uncle with his own sword at the age of fifteen, he still couldn't find any stable companions. He could count the grunts, that fawned over him and followed him like sheep, companions, but he knew they didn't care about him like a loyal companion would.

They only saw his wealth or his beauty and latched onto him like leeches, trying to suck anything they could out of him. He would simply brush off the leeches that clung too tightly with words like daggers or crush them with his most trusted servant's sword. He almost believed he was going to get through school life without a human friend.

 _"Shuu-sama, I don't believe being so hostile towards others will give you any loyal companions." Mastumae said as she ran a brush through Shuu's violet hair. "Ghouls don't come near you and I hear some students say that you're an arrogant snob. If you gave more friendly smiles and less death stares you won't come off as menacing towards ghouls and giving more consideration towards your peers will earn you their respect." Shuu stared at his reflection in the mirror in front of him. If he had royal purple eyes and hair, he probably could have been mistaken for a younger version of his uncle. He hated how much he resembled that demon._

 _"Matsumae-kun do you have any companions?" Shuu asked, ignoring Matsumae's comments. The servant pondered for a moment, her black eyes shimmering in the light._

 _"Yes."_

 _"You see that scavenging bird and duo of clowns as companions?"_

 _"Of course, I do. Yes, we have butted heads in the past, but we've learned to find comfort in each other's company." They were silent for a moment._

 _"You think I'll have companions one day?" She gave a kind smile that was reflected in the mirror._

 _"I have hope."_

 _"I wish I did."_

Chie Hori had made herself known during one of his hunts. He still kicks himself every time he thinks about that night for not being careful. Though he wasn't sure if he would consider Chie as a true friend. He saw her as more of a reliable pet. He even called her "little mouse" and he was just contempt with that relationship. He still had a hard time believing that he made peace with a human, though she was far from ordinary. Not just in her small stature, she was also quirky in her personality as well. She was a perfect addition to the family, though he could see the glares Kanae would send her way. However, the small high he got from Chie quickly faded when they graduated and saw each other less. Chie went off looking for the hottest pics and he hunted for the greatest meal, having the time to just sit and talk became limited.

Then one day he decided to waltz into the café known as Anteiku. His life was turned around the moment he laid eyes on Ken Kaneki and took in his scent. He sometimes wonders what would have happened if he had never walked into Anteiku on that faithful day. He doesn't regret it that's for sure. Though, he always found himself wondering how he had become so attached to the half-ghoul.

Kaneki was originally a planned delicacy and his desire to feast upon Kaneki made his mouth salivate. He wanted Kaneki so, bad that he even killed one of Madam A's butchers to have Kaneki for himself. The dream of having Kaneki as the ultimate meal came crashing down when that winged rabbit landed that powerful attack with her ukaku that left him with one arm and half a face.

 _"I can't leave you be for one second can I, Shuu. You have everybody in a panic. Kanae-kun nearly fainted when he saw all that blood on you." Matsumae scolded as she wrapped gauze over Shuu's head. She wasn't gentle. "Do you realize if she had struck you any deeper, you would be brain dead right now." Shuu breathed out through his teeth as Mastumae pressed down on the wound. "If Renji-kun wasn't there-"_

 _"Mastumae calm down." Shuu said nonchalantly though his voice was strained slightly. "I just had to take a bite out of my arm and look, I'm still alive."_

 _" **Chert voz'mi, Shuu!** " Shuu visibly flinched at the female's shout. He couldn't remember the last time Matsumae raised her voice at him. She marched in front of him and gripped his chin tightly. He was forced to stare into her black orbs with his single remaining eye, he could see the veins coursing around her eyes. _

_"Renji-kun told me that everybody at Anteiku thinks you're dead! That is how badly you are injured. You are not as strong as you used to be, you can't go running around getting into fights anymore, especially since you're by yourself now. You could have died!" She paused and took in a deep breath. The grip on his face loosened before she retracted her hand back as if repulsed by her action. "I apologize for my abrasiveness, Master Shuu but please understand." She got down on one knee and held his hand. The black veins around her eyes ceased and were replaced by creases that exaggerated the desperation in her eyes._

 _"I was knighted by your mother's sword to protect you until the day I die. And with all my might I'm going to save you from the fate that befell her." Shuu felt his throat clench up as he fought back tears. "Do not make the mistakes your mother did. If you were to die, we all would be lost. **I** would be lost. So please just be careful out there." He squeezed her hand tighter._

 _"I understand, Matsumae. I'll be more careful in the future." Matsumae squeezed the hand back the tears in the corners of her eyes falling._

 _"Thank you, Master Shuu."_

That had been a lie. Because soon after he found himself attacking an Aogiri Tree base in a rescue mission. He still can't believe he helped to get Kaneki free from Aogiri Tree after the incident, though he doubted he really had a choice when Yoshimura and Yomo came and "asked" him to help Kaneki. Though, e knew that they didn't want him to come for Kaneki's sake.

He had to admit he was surprised when he saw Kaneki on that night. Hair, white as snow and a determination burning in his eyes that he had never seen before. His entire aura had changed, and he held a grounding presence that was to be feared as well as adored. He could see why Banji and Hinami decided to become his loyal companions, what took him aback was when he found himself getting on one knee and pledging his allegiance to the one-eyed ghoul.

He couldn't see himself eating Kaneki anymore, most likely because Kaneki would tear his head from its shoulder at one wrong glance, but also something deep inside of him told him not to. He's not sure why he listened to it, but because he did, he found himself here now. Looking into a mirror and adjusting his suit and tie, preparing to visit Kaneki and the others, though he _wanted_ to see Kaneki.

Shuu Tsukiyama would have never thought he would have found himself here at the age of 21, but did he like it?

Of course, he did. The rush he got in his nerves by just standing next to Kaneki was enough to give him a temporary high. He compared the feeling to the saying "butterflies in the stomach". He never felt such a sensation before, and just summed it up to being around a half-ghoul for such a long time. But he felt something deep inside of him telling him that it was something more than that. But the voice was too distorted and muffled for him to understand so, he ignored it to its dismay. He looked at the bouquet of flowers on his dresser and smiled. He decided to bring white carnations today, they were freshly picked and smelled absolutely wonderful.

His attention was brought to his phone as it began to vibrate and light up. He walked over to the electronic device on the nightstand and looked to see who was calling. He smiled when he saw who it was and promptly answered.

" _Dobryy den'_ , Matsumae-kun." He greeted.

 _" **Dobryy den'** , to you as well Master Shuu."_ Matsumae's calm voice came from the other end. _"How are you faring in Kaneki's group?"_

"It's going quite well actually. Though my presence in the group isn't quite welcomed. At this point I thought they would have accepted me but regardless I'm still a member of the group. I'm going over there to bring them flowers now."

 _"May I ask what kind?"_

"White carnations, this time. I've brought so many flowers that the little lady calls me flower man. It's quite juvenile."

 _"Really, I think it's rather delightful."_ Shuu couldn't help but scoff.

"Please, Matsumae-kun. Innocence like her should not be so close to tainted evil."

 _"Don't be like that, Shuu-sama. Remember when you would call me Blackie-tan because you couldn't pronounce my name."_ Shuu puffed out his cheeks as he pictured a child version of himself adressing a fierce knight such as Matsumae with the suffix of "tan".

"I thought we agreed to never bring that up." He heard Matsumae chuckle on the other end.

 _"Your correct, I apologize. I can't believe it's been so long since then. I'm glaf that you are doing well. I have to depart now, Kanae-kun needs me. Remember call me if you need my assistance."_

"I will. Bye Blackie-tan." He gave a small smile when Matsumae's chuckle turned into a laugh. She needed to do that more often.

 _"Goodbye, Shuu-sama."_

He hung up and looked at the time. He quickly grabbed his bouquet and his jacket and made his way out the door. If he wanted to make it past rush hour, he had to be quick. He felt giddy inside at the thought of seeing his precious Kaneki once again. Most would be impressed by how quickly he got to the apartment, he had basically glided over the pavement to make his way to the base. Once he got to the door, he promptly knocked on it, giving himself one final once over and readjusting his grip on the bouquet. No one came after fifteen seconds so he knocked again, but with more force. The door shook, and he was pretty sure it had been loud enough for anybody inside to hear.

"Hello, is anybody there?" he called out but got no reply. He regretted not calling first before he came over and was about to leave when the faintest sound came from inside the apartment. He listened closer and could definitely hear sounds coming form inside the apartment, though he couldn't tell what it was or who it was coming from. Since his hearing wasn't enough, he decided to use his sense of smell which was much stronger. He took in a deep breath through his nose to see if he could analyze the scent coming from the apartment. It wasn't the little lady's, Banju's or the trios.

It was Kaneki's. And he would have been exhilarated that it was just Kaneki inside the apartment, but the scent was lacking a certain potency that made it enticing. It was dull and almost sour as if the person it was coming from was stressed and covered in sweat. A sudden urgency sprung within him to get inside the apartment. Since he had used his money for the apartment, he had been given to the key though he had lied to the others and said he wouldn't be able to get inside the apartment unless he used force. He grabbed the key from his back pocket and unlocked the door.

He quickly stepped inside the darkly lit apartment before closing the door behind him. As expected, he didn't see anyone, but the sound became clearer as well did its origin. Kaneki's room. He nearly sprinted to Kaneki's door and had to relax a little, so he wouldn't put a hole in the door when he knocked. He didn't get a proper answer and was met with the noise he heard earlier. Now that he was closer, he could distinguish the sound as muffled sobs. His eyes widened at the sound and he felt his heart sink. He had never heard such a sound come from Kaneki before. He needed to get in there now. He gripped the knob and forced the door open with the force of S-rated ghoul. He felt his heart sink when he saw the sight of the room.

He was first met with the strong scent of the room, a mis of sweat, tears, and blood. The lights were turned off draping the room in dark shadows. The room was messy with dirty clothes and tissues. There was a large lump on the bed covered in sheets and blankets. The lump was moving and sobs coming from it stifled as if the person making them had put their hands over their mouth. That was where the scent was coming from.

"Kaneki-kun are you alright? I smell blood." Shuu asked stepping further into the room. The lump on the bed stiffened.

"Go away, Tsukiyama-san." Was the muffled response from the lump. "I want to be alone!" No, wonder Kaneki was the only one inside the apartment. He must be really upset if it caused the others to leave, probably to find something to make Kaneki feel better no doubt.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong." Shuu persisted.

"I'm not telling you crap! Just get the hell out of here and leave me alone!"

"Kaneki-kun please—"

"GO NOW!" Tsukiyama felt irritated by how stubborn Kaneki was being. He could work with this, however.

"Fine, Kaneki-kun. I'll do as you wish. I will leave the flowers on your bookshelf." Shuu placed the bouquet on the bookshelf and went to leave but stopped at the doorway. He closed the door though he was still inside the room and made his way silently towards the lump on the bed. What he was about to do would most likely cause Kaneki to strike at him, so he prepared himself. Once he saw a few strands of white hair poke out from underneath the mass of covers and sheets, he grabbed the mass and pulled. Tossing the blankets and sheets to the floor he exposed the body that had been underneath. His eyes widened at the state Kaneki was in.

Kaneki's eyes were pink and puffy with tears streaming down his face and his kakugan pulsed fiercely. Blood caked around his hands and feet and stained his messy white hair. It didn't take long to see why Kaneki was covered in blood. Clumps of white hair and bloody black fingernails covered the bed sheets. It was a ghastly sight made even more so when Shuu realized pieces of scalp were attached to the clumps of hair. As expected, Kaneki tried to hit him. Shuu was prepared and blocked the attacked with his forearm, but the force caused him to stumble back and fracture his bone. He ignored the pain coursing through his arm.

"I thought I told you to leave!" Kaneki hissed scooting backwards until his back it the wall.

"Kaneki-kun what happened?" Shuu asked staring in shock. Kaneki grabbed a pillow and tried to cover himself.

"Tsukiyama-san get out! Don't look at me!"

"I'm not leaving you here like this. I need answers." Shuu cringed slightly as his bone fused back into place and he took a step closer to Kaneki. "Did you do this to yourself? Why did you harm yourself like this?"

"You don't see it do you?!" Shuu came to the edge of the bed and tried to look over the pillow Kaneki was holding.

"I can't actually see anything of you if you continue to hide yourself, Kaneki-kun."

"Fine, I'll show you!" Kaneki through the pillow nearly hitting Shuu, he spread his arms out to let himself to be seen in full. "See, look at me!" Shuu did. He looked at Kaneki's stained white hair, he looked at Kaneki's pale skin with rippling muscles, he looked at the crimson blood staining his hands and feet, and looked into Kaneki's mismatched eyes that displayed both sides of a spectrum. He saw only beauty shaped into a single being.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" Shuu asked confused. Kaneki's brows furrowed.

"You can't see it?!"

"Well, no. I only see—"

"I changed, Tsukiyama-san!" Kaneki screamed. "My hair is now ghostly white and tangled, my fingernails are black, my skin is rougher than concreate and not to mentioned covered in marks. I thought I would have changed, back by now, but I haven't. And no matter how hard I try to get rid of it, I grow back _wrong_! And I goddam hate it!" Kaneki slammed a fist into the headboard of his bed, putting a large hole in it. Shuu felt his heart sink as silence dawned upon the two. So, that was the problem.

"Kaneki-kun, please calm down." Shuu said in a calm voice coming to sit on the edge of the bed, ignored the discarded body pieces. "The damage can't be that be that bad, let me see." Kaneki glared at Shuu, but none the less shoved his blood covered fingers into Shuu's face.

"There see?!" he sneered. Shuu gripped the bloody hand lightly. "Well?"

"Well, I can't see them properly, yet." Tsukiyama reached into his blazer and pulled out a white handkerchief. With gentle fingers he began to wipe off the blood that caked around his hand and underneath his finger nails. He felt Kaneki's hand tense up at first, but soon laxed at Shuu's caring touch. He drew back the handkerchief when he was done, revealing rough pale skin and pitch-black fingernails. He inspected the hand with his violet eyes, turning it around. "I see something." He said after a time of calm silence.

"And what do you see?" Kaneki asked with an edge to his voice. Shuu looked into his eyes and smiled before he brought the hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss on the knuckles. Kaneki involuntarily gasped at the contact but didn't pull away.

"Beauty. Kaneki-kun, those no need for you to be so upset. It's not as bad as you believe." Kaneki's expression soured, and he yanked his hand out of Shuu's grip.

"That's funny coming from you." Shuu was taken aback by the remark.

"Excuse me?"

"Look at yourself, Tsukiyama-san. Your physically perfect. I can't find a single flaw on your body. Your hair is neat and combed, you don't have any wrinkles or blemishes, heck your teeth look bleached even though you consume blood. You can't tell me by wrecked body is fine when you don't know how it feels to have a body that's been distorted by evil." Tsukiyama shrank back from Kaneki and the glimmer in his eyes flickered. Kaneki saw his physical image as perfect. The tingling sensation in his abdomen rose and would have been stronger if it weren't for the intense feeling of sadness in his gut that Kaneki had brought with his words.

"You see my body as perfect." He sighed. "But you have only used your eyes to see." He then began unbuttoning his purple blazer and it soon slipped off his body to land on the floor. Kaneki stared with wide eyes as Shuu took off his tie and began unbuttoning his red dress shirt to reveal the skin underneath. In the dark lighting of the room his pale skin stood out like a faint light.

"But you have never used your hands to feel." He gently grabbed Kaneki's clean hand and began to bring it to his chest. He felt Kaneki lock up and try to pull away for a split second before Kaneki looked him in the eyes. He instantly relaxed and allowed his hand to be pressed against Shuu chest. "Feel what you can't see." He released his grip from Kaneki's hand. He could feel Kaneki's hand hesitantly began to feel over his skin. The tingling feeling returned. Kaneki stopped at Shuu's right collarbone and his eyes narrowed. His black nails trailed down fallowing an invisible line that ran all the way down to his bottom rib, his eyes widening in the process.

"You've lost your other arm before." Kaneki gasped. Shuu only nodded and Kaneki began tracing his fingers around Shuu's skin. "There're so many." Kaneki said under his breath. He knew Kaneki was feeling for the rough patches of skin that were hidden on his body. Patches that marked a past injury that had been so severe that the new skin that grew over it didn't develop properly. He remembered which attack had caused each one. Kaneki's hand came to rest over Shuu's heart, Shuu felt his heart beat faster.

"You felt what your eyes couldn't see. You should have seen me when I first got these. I feared I was going to lose the one trait everybody liked about me. I thought they would scar me for life, but I soon realized these aren't scars. But simple wounds that would fade over time." He placed a hand over Kaneki's and used the other pull up the hem of the younger's stained shirt. He felt Kaneki's body shiver as he ran delicate fingers over his abdomen where the doctor had cut him open for operation. "Even this will disappear with time, nurture and care. So, it doesn't matter if your hair and nail change their hue unwillingly because one day, they will realize their error and return back to their original state."

"But what if they don't?" Kaneki asked, his kakugan finally fading away like the setting sun. Shuu smiled softly.

"Well, scars are beautiful in their own way. They show what we have been through and how strong the body is, but they don't reflect what's inside." He brought his hand from Kaneki's abdomen to over his heart. "No scar can even touch one's soul. So, no matter how many scars you may have, you will still be the same person. Your experiences are what change you. Wouldn't you agree?" Kaneki stared at him stunned with shimmering grey eyes. Shuu could feel Kaneki's heart beat steadily from underneath warm skin. He was surprised Kaneki hadn't batted his hands away or kick him off the bed. What shocked him even more was when Kaneki brought his bloodied hand to cover his own which was placed over the one-eyed ghoul's heart. He squeezed it gently.

"Yeah, I can agree with that." Kaneki said giving a warm smile.

Shuu felt his body heat up and his heart skip a beat. The heat wasn't uncomfortable. It brought a burst of energy and happiness that made his head spin. He had never seen such a happy expression on Kaneki before. A smile marked his face as he absorbed the strong warmth Kaneki brought him. Never before had he felt such an intense feeling that coursed through his entire body that didn't bring pain. He didn't know what to call it, but he knew for sure Kaneki was the cause of it. He soon realized how close they had gotten to each other. And for a fleeting moment wondered if Kaneki was feeling the same thing he was.

"Tsukiyama-san, are you okay, your face is red?" Kaneki broke the tranquil silence. Shuu snapped back to reality and brought his hands away from Kaneki to touch his face.

"Oh, is it?" Kaneki brought his hands away from Shuu and chuckled softly.

"Yeah, it is."

"I didn't think the temperature was actually rising. Do you feel the heat as well?" Kaneki's cheeks held a soft pink as he shrugged his shoulders.

"N-not really. It feels the same to me."

"Then you must be making me feel this warm then." Shuu deduced. Kaneki's cheeks reddened further at Shuu's comment and he stared at Shuu as if in shock. He opened his mouth as if to say something but quickly closed it and turned his gaze downward.

"Tsukiyama-san, do you…" Kaneki paused mid-sentence. Taking in a deep breath, he looked back up at Shuu. There was a look in his eyes Shuu had never seen before. Hope? "Do you l—"

Kaneki was interrupted when the sound of the front door opening rang out throughout the apartment.

"We're back Onii-chan and we've brought you something to make you feel better!" Hinami's upbeat voice was accompanied by a set of four footsteps.

"Oh, crap." Kaneki exasperated with wide eyes. "You need to get out of here now."

"Agreed." Shuu said gathering everything he brought to get rid of any evidence of him ever being in Kaneki's room. Once he got his clothes, he grabbed the bouquet of flowers that were on the bookshelf and made his way towards the window.

"Wait!" Shuu stopped and turned around at the sound of Kaneki's voice. "You can leave the flowers here." Shuu strutted over to Kaneki. He handed the one-eyed ghoul the flowers with a smile.

"I was thinking of you when I got them." To his delight he watched as Kaneki's cheeks turn a rosy shade of red once more.

"J-just get out before the others find you." Kaneki said with a small smirk.

"As you wish, my master. I shall see you soon." And with that Shuu made his way out of the window and into the night. The bouquet of white carnations and the flush in Kaneki's cheeks being the only sign that the Gourmet had been in the apartment.

 **~X~**

Shuu plopped on his bed, drinking in what was remaining of the buzz he got from visiting Kaneki. As the feeling dwelled on, he began to guess what the feeling was. It wasn't the rush he got from hunting, it wasn't the satisfaction from a good meal, nor was it joy from defeating an opponent in combat. He had a small inkling of what the feeling could be but wasn't sure if he should trust it. Past books he read described what he was feeling perfectly, but the only time books had described the feeling were… romance novels.

He had never been taught about the love subject as a child. Of course, he was told about the birds and the bees, but his uncle had told him ghouls only had intercourse due to hormones or to continue their bloodline. He had heard about love from his papa and the books he would sneak into his room. Of course, he felt love. He loved his family very much, but the feeling Kaneki brought was completely alien. It was irritating how emotions could be so confusing.

He huffed and rolled onto his side. He stared at his phone which was placed on the nightstand. Even in the dark the bright purple of his phone stood out like an eyesore. In the end he wasn't quite sure what compelled him to pick up his phone and dial the number. He summed it up to the need for answers and the spike of excitement he got as the phone rang.

 _"Master Shuu are you alright?"_ Matsumae's voice sounded after the second ring. _"You don't usually call this soon."_

"Yes, everything is fine. I was just calling to ask you a question."

 _"This must be a very important question if you are calling at, ten o'clock at night. I will answer your question to the best of my ability, Shuu-sama."_

"Matsumae-kun, have you ever felt true love before?"

 _"… Yes."_

"What did that feel like?"

 _"… You really have grown, haven't you?"_


End file.
